Read this passage, written by me and use it to help you plan your own autobiographical extract.
Although I don’t know him at all, a kid, Andrew Mintern, in the year above senses my difference and decides to pick on me. One break-time there’s a massive surge after all the “spazzies” in the school — apparently I am one of them — and Andrew Mintern decides to “ruck me”. He grabs me by the hair by the school railings, flings me on the floor and kicks me repeatedly in the head. I remember staggering back to my classroom, covered in cuts and bruises, my cheeks wet with tears. The prettiest girl in the year takes pity on me and asks me if I am all right, then she goes and tells Mr Ballinger.
My beating was so bad that a passer-by who sees it phones the school and complains about the bullying going on in the school.
Andrew Mintern and I are summoned before Mr Ballinger who shouts at me for provoking Mintern and calling him a “spazzie” — something I protest I didn’t do. This gets me into further trouble: I mustn’t lie. Behind his back, Mintern grins maliciously . I realise that for whatever reason he has Mr Ballinger on his side. I concede defeat and promise not to call Mintern a spazzie again. In turn, Mintern generously promises not to touch me.
It’s a promise he doesn’t keep — of course. He lives in the road right next to mine. From then on, whenever I spot him I break into a run, the adrenaline surging through my body to get away. Sometimes he catches me, sometimes he doesn’t. The ritual is always the same: he flings me on the floor and kicks me in the head and chest as I lie there crouched into a ball.
I don’t tell my parents. I don’t tell my brother. I don’t tell the teachers. I don’t tell my friends. It’s my fault you see. I am to blame. If I wasn’t such a “spazzie”, such a Fanny, I wouldn’t get my head kicked in. There’s something wrong with me you see. Something that means I am not able to read and write, to make friends, to play football. I am a piece of flob, a hawked-up gobbet of spit, an all-round spazzie.
- What tense do I use and why? (Past, future, present)
- Look at this sentence:
He grabs me by the hair by the school railings, flings me on the floor and kicks me repeatedly in the head. I remember staggering back to my classroom, covered in cuts and bruises, my cheeks wet with tears.
How and why do I use commas in this sentence? How do I build up a sense of atmosphere and detail here?
- I planned out this passage by writing:
introduce Mintern
describe how he bullied me – use FIVE senses
TOUCH: grab
TEXTURE: tears on face
TEXTURE: staggering
SOUND: words, spazzie
SIGHT: curling into a ball
structure: Opening; describe Mintern, situation
Complication: first time bullied
Crisis: The teacher speaks to both of us
Climax: Still very frightened, running away.
Resolution: my feelings of self-disgust
Now write a plan for your AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL piece, using these prompts:
Pick one or two scenes/settings where you felt alone.
Describe them in detail. Your feelings for the scene.
Eg it could be this school: your first day/week.
An unknown place
Lost in the supermarket
Left at home.
Describe your feelings in the setting. Your thoughts.
Use the five senses.
Write down everything that comes into your head down.
WRITE OUT YOUR PLAN.
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